I was having a bit of a read this morning, the writer finished with the words ‘Do not ask yourself what you want, but ask Me what I want. Desire the same things and you shall become like Me. And this to, is my highest desire for you.’
I smiled, it reminded me of when I was young, Mum and Dad would always laugh and say, Julie you want to do so many things, and before I knew it I had this nick name ‘Julie I want’ It has stuck with me ever since, even now when I start dreaming and planning Dad will roll his eyes and say ‘don’t you think your getting a bit old to be wanting to do that?’ I know he means well but I know my Heavenly Father sees me differently, lots of the dreams and desires I have must be God given because since I found my faith in 2005 I seem to attempt to have a go at a lot more things than I used to, (sometimes I even find myself asking why on earth am I doing this?) I think the answer comes from His word; ‘We are made in God’s image’ so from a heavenly view point the question I ponder today is what does God want of me?
As I cleared away the clutter I keep thinking to myself I really must pick up my pen and start writing again, but can I be honest with you, with everything that has been going on lately I am finding it so hard to actually get myself into that place where I can actually sit myself down and write something, what with the busyness of our last Beauty & Belief event finally over, I feel I just want to chill out and catch a breath but something keeps nudging me, you know like, something is tugging at my heart strings and can you believe it, it is as though I hear a whisper in my ear saying ‘have you forgotten your first love?’
I frowned ‘forgotten my first love?’ What on earth does that mean? I really don’t understand. So I stopped, sat down and thought about it. As I sipped my tea I found my mind unraveling and before I knew it I was wandering down that place, I am sure you know it well, I call it memory lane. I sighed, ‘memories’ it’s something we all have isn’t it? Whatever our age whatever our gender we all have memories, some are good, some are not so good and I have to confess thinking back over my own life some can be down right embarrassing!
But getting back to that word ‘first love’ now that I am forcing myself to think about this at school my favorite subject had been English, at the word school a sudden vision sprang to mind of my High School English Teacher, it is so vivid I can actually see myself back in that classroom, my teacher holding up my folder and commenting on my work. I remember going bright red at the time. It had been part of my GCE exam; I think the modern term for it is today is ‘course work.’ I smiled yes I suddenly remember my teacher asking if he could keep my course work. I had simply replied of course, I would be starting work soon. What need had I for that working in an insurance office? Anyway the enjoyment had been in putting everything together. I saw him smile and thank me and say he would use it as an example for his new students next term.
Why had I remembered that today?
It was then the phone rang so I was distracted for a while, but upon returning to my quest, I still did not have the answer. ‘Where is this all going, what is the point of this?’ I prayed.
As I re-read my words I find my eye drawn to the word ‘course.’ I had used it twice, once in regard to my work, (course work) and once in answer to a question (of course)
I have to admit I had a bit of a giggle then as I remembered my teacher calling mum up the school because I had been adamant that I was going out to work. I needed to earn now, my school days were over, and besides it would have been a huge financial pressure on my family to send me to university. But bless her, Mum had seen my teacher and said I could go if I wanted to, they would manage it somehow. Looking at Mums face I felt otherwise so I had stuck to my guns and said NO.
Why was I thinking of this? It had been so many years ago.
It was then I heard that voice again, ‘do you regret it now?’ It probed.
I have to confess I hadn’t really thought about it. I guess I’m a person who likes to focus on what I have, not what I missed, what on earth is the point of that anyway? What a waste of time. I hate wasting time!
I gasped! I suddenly got the revelation, there was a point to all this. My Heavenly Father was pointing out that despite my decisions all those years ago whether right or wrong nobody could take away what was mine, my God given gifts. When we live in God’s will all will go well for us. He will always get us back on track- even if like me it takes nearly 40 years!
I felt all humble then, it made me realize how patient God is. But as I started to dwell on it my family sprang to mind. I smiled, I understood, if my life had gone any other way I might not have had them. That thought was unbearable; they make my life complete and whilst on the subject of family I am really excited as we will be jetting off to South Africa soon!
Yes with my hubby and children we will be visiting pastures new, plus meeting new family members too.
Life, treasure it.
It is a gift from God
As it is written in James 1:17
‘Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights’
That means YOU and your life too.
I sighed, I felt so heavenly
There is so much beauty in belief.
Other inspirations can be read in ‘On Earth as it is in Heaven’ by Julie Prentice £8.99. Available at Amazon or email firstname.lastname@example.org for stockists.